No Money Trees
Poet: Nettie SteevesIf you ever reach the spot
That you need money,
And you think you need a lot,
Just remember...
Money does not grow on trees,
You cannot spend it as you please,
For if you did...
The world would live at ease,
And soon refuse to pick it from the trees.
If Wallets Bulged
Poet: Catherine PulsiferIn a world of cash, I pondered with glee,
If wallets bulged, oh what would it be?
An endless flow of dough, no end in sight,
Or would our greed just multiply the plight?
Perhaps we'd build mansions made of pure gold,
Or pay someone to warm our seat so cold.
But alas! Even riches can't quell this thirst—
For money's addictive, and we’re always cursed.
A Time To Fret
Poet: Catherine PulsiferIs a birthday a time to fret?
It is the oldest you have been yet
Things are changing and not for the better
What is that roll around your center?
Changes I could name a few
I know that is not what you want me to do
But look at the color of your hair
And your skin no longer looks so fair.
But, hey time is too short to care
Continue to live and take a dare
Be happy and content
Otherwise, your mind will go absent.
Be inspired by these funny poems for a birthday:
Funny Birthday Poems
Funny Birthday Poems for Friends
Funny Birthday Poems About Old Age
Funny Poems About Aging
This funny poem by Berton Braley, takes a lighthearted approach to the idea that humans are made of dust and will eventually return to it. It humorously suggests that by staying well-hydrated, our "dust" might become less prone to being blown about by the wind. The poem adds a playful twist to a philosophical concept, encouraging us to enjoy life and not fret about our inevitable return to the earth. It brings a smile by using humor to address a profound topic.
Preparedness
Poet: Berton BraleyWe are made of dust, so the preachers say,
And we only live for a little day,
And then, regardless of wealth or fame,
Return to the dirt from whence we came.
However we live, at last we go
Into the dust that the breezes blow.
Ah well, drink up! let us never fret,
If we keep our gullets extremely wet
Our dust may prove so damp to touch
That the wind can't blow us about so much!
Funny Quotes
A Silly Grin
Poet: Catherine PulsiferImagine if you only wore a frown,
Your mouth always turned down.
People would avoid you like the flu,
Hiding from the gloom that follows you.
But instead let's try something new,
A silly grin to brighten your pew!
Let laughter burst, spreading cheer mile tall,
Watch as people flock, forgetting all that's small!
Somebody
Poet: Berton BraleySomebody's got to be steady
And stick at a regular job,
Somebody's got to be ready
To stay with the laboring mob.
Somebody's got to be trudging
The path from the house to the mill,
Somebody's got to be drudging
At work that has never a thrill.
Every one cannot be left to roam
Careless and blithe and free,
Somebody's got to stay at home,
Somebody Else — not me!
Another funny poem along the same lines is Mr Nobody Poem - a poem that is sure to bring a smile to your face!
You've Earned It
Poet: Catherine PulsiferYou've earned your degree,
And that's quite a feat,
No more all-nighters,
Or notes to repeat.
Now go out and conquer the world,
with your newfound knowledge,
Just don't forget to pack your sunscreen,
And pay off your college.
For A Child
Poet: UnknownI am very young! but what of that?
You once were young as I;
And you don't know what I can do
Until you see me try.
I cannot tell you all I know,
I guess I won't tell half;
For if I should I 'm very sure
You'd only sit and laugh.
Encourage the new graduate with these funny poems:
Funny Graduation Poems
Funny Poems About Life
Funny Poems About Books
Funny Famous Poems
Funny Garden Poems
Funny Poems About Summer
My Shadow
Poet: Robert Louis StevensonI have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow -
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there’s none of him at all.
The Twins
Poet: Henry S. LeighIn form and feature, face and limb,
I grew so like my brother.
That folks got taking me for him.
And each for one another.
It puzzled all our kith and kin.
It reached an awful pitch;
For one of us was bom a twin,
Yet not a soul knew which.
One day (to make the matter worse).
Before our names were fix'd.
As we were being wash'd by nurse
We got completely mix'd;
And thus, you see, by Fate's decree,
(Or rather nurse's whim),
My brother John got christen'd me,
And I got christen'd him.
This fatal likeness even dogg'd
My footsteps when at school,
And I was always getting flogg'd,
For John turned out a fool.
I put this question hopelessly
To every one I knew —
What would you do, if you were me,
To prove that you were you?
Our close resemblance turn'd the tide
Of my domestic life;
For somehow my intended bride
Became my brother's wife.
In short, year after year the same
Absurd mistakes went on;
And when I died — the neighbors came
And buried brother John!
More funny poems to bring smiles:
Funny Grandma Poems
Funny Poems About Sisters
Funny Fathers Day Poems
Funny Mother's Day Poems
Funny Poems For A Friend
Salad
Poet: Mortimer CollinsO cool in the summer is salad,
And warm in the winter is love;
And a poet shall sing you a ballad
Delicious thereon and thereof.
A singer am I, if no sinner,
My muse has a marvellous wing,
And I willingly worship at dinner
The Sirens of Spring.
Take endive — like love it is bitter.
Take beet — for like love it is red;
Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,
And cress from the rivulet's bed;
Anchovies, foam-born, like the lady
Whose beauty has maddened this bard;
And olives, from groves that are shady;
And eggs — boil 'em hard.
The Height Of The Ridiculous
Poet: Oliver Wendell HolmesI wrote some lines once on a time.
In wondrous merry mood.
And thought, as usual, men would say
They were exceeding good.
They were so queer, so very queer,
I laughed as I would die;
Albeit, in the general way,
A sober man am I.
I called my servant, and he came;
How kind it was of him.
To mind a slender man like me.
He of the mighty limb!
"These to the printer," I exclaimed,
And, in my humorous way,
I added (as a trifling jest),
"There'll be the devil to pay."
He took the paper, and I watched,
And saw him peep within;
At the first line he read, his face
Was all upon the grin.
He read the next; the grin grew broad,
And shot from ear to ear;
He read the third; a chuckling noise
I now began to hear.
The fourth; he broke into a roar;
The fifth; his waistband split ;
The sixth; he burst five buttons off.
And tumbled in a fit.
Ten days and nights, with sleepless eye,
I watched that wretched man.
And since, I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
The funny poem, An Amusing Sight, celebrates the diverse ways people laugh and the joy that laughter brings. It describes how some people have deep, hearty laughs that resonate from their toes, while others have more subtle, soft chuckles. Each person's laugh is as unique as leaves on a tree, and the poem emphasizes the magic of a good laugh, which is better than any medicine. It encourages readers to embrace laughter as a natural remedy that spreads joy and happiness, highlighting its wondrous ability to heal and bring delight. The poem's humor lies in its celebration of laughter and its power to uplift spirits.
An Amusing Sight
Poet: Catherine PulsiferIn laughter's world, an amusing sight,
Some laugh from toes, what pure delight!
Their giggles are deep, like a belly's cheer,
While others chuckle, soft and clear.
With joyful guffaws or small tee-hee,
Each laugh is unique, like leaves on a tree.
A good laugh's magic, better than pills,
No doctor's script, just joy that thrills!
So let laughter heal, embrace it tight,
It's nature's remedy, brings pure delight.
With every hearty laugh, a dose so sweet,
Spreading joy and happiness, a wondrous feat!
A Secret
Poet: UnknownWe have a secret, just we three,
The robin, and I, and the sweet cherry tree;
The bird told the tree, and the tree told me,
And nobody knows it but just us three.
But of course the robin knows it best,
Because he built the — I shan't tell the rest;
And laid the four little — somethings in it —
I am afraid I shall tell it every minute.
But if the tree and the robin don't peep,
I'll try my best the secret to keep;
Though I know when the little birds fly about,
Then the whole secret will be out.
We choose each and every day whether to be happy or be sad.
Funny Friendship Poems
Embrace The Weather
Poet: Catherine PulsiferIn winter's icy grip, we loudly groan,
"It's far too cold, we want to go home!"
Spring arrives, and raindrops pour,
"We're soaked and soggy, we can't take anymore!"
Then summer blazes with a scorching beat,
"Too hot to handle, we're feeling the heat!"
But wait, there's fall, with colors so bold,
A time to smile, a respite to behold!
So let's embrace the weather, come what may,
Laughing through each season, every day.
For in our jests and grins, we can choose to find a way,
To brighten the forecast each and every day!
Why Man Is Bald
Poet: David V. BushWhy man is bald has baffled him
For ages - many years -
And it has caused much querying
And sighs, even to tears.
Why he is bald? I know the why
And later will relate
The reason he is minus hair
On top of his bald pate.
It’s not this here heredity,
Nor dandruff nor disease,
Because a hat band is too tight;
Tight scalp - no none of these.
A man is bald, I know the why,
And here I will declare,
He's bald because, he’s bald because,
He’s minus of some hair.
The funny poem, Don't Lose Your Goat, offers life advice, comparing life's challenges to a baseball game. It suggests that in life, those who stay composed and keep their cool during tough times are the ones who succeed. It discusses the fact that you'll face criticism and mistakes, but you should remain resilient and not let others upset you. The phrase "losing your goat" is a metaphor for losing your composure. The poem humorously encourages staying determined and cheerful in the face of difficulties, as long as you don't let others get to you.
Don't Lose Your Goat
Poet: David V. BushJim Casey had two balls; two strikes; as he stood up to bat,
"Ball three" was called - another came - when 'Holy Smoke! What's that?'
Clean over third, beyond the fence, the flying sphere he smote.
And scored a straight home run because he didn't lose his goat!
And so in life's big game, young friend, the one who leads the score
Is he who calmly meets each shock and stands alert for more;
You'll be abused and nicknamed, son, with every curse afloat,
But always can come out on top if you don't lose your goat!
You'll make mistakes aplenty, boy, but don't let that distress,
So long as you've the staying power to mend each passing mess;
There's much you can afford to lose, though others jeer and gloat;
So long as you don't lose your grip, or let 'em get your goat!
Though many men will try their worst to make you slip and fall,
Just pay no heed, but keep your nerve - the greatest thing of all;
Give up, if need be, house and home; give up your cap and coat;
But if you're truly out to win, don't dare give up your goat!
From rich and poor, from strong and weak, will come a thousand snares;
Let each one but a lesson be, to guide past future cares.
Your losses all to one great end with cheerfulness devote.
For not a one can set you back unless you lose your goat!
Fear Astounds
Poet: Catherine PulsiferOn Halloween night, when the moon does rise,
Fear abounds, it’s no surprise.
Ghosts and goblins roam the street,
With tricks and treats to compete.
Witches cackle as they brew their potions,
While skeletons dance in wild motions.
But amidst the fright and eerie sounds,
One thing is clear: fear truly astounds.
Funny poems for special occasions:
Funny Christmas Poems
Funny Santa Claus Poems
Funny Thanksgiving Poems
Funny Retirement Poems
Funny New Year Poems
Funny Halloween Poems
This funny poem, Procrastinator - That's Me, humorously describes the speaker as a procrastinator who lacks motivation and a plan. The speaker spends their day on the couch, accomplishing nothing, and running astray from their tasks. The poem reflects the common tendency to put things off until tomorrow, even though it's advisable to use time wisely. However, the speaker admits that they often succumb to laziness, highlighting the humor in this relatable habit of delaying tasks until later.
Procrastinator - That's Me
Poet: Catherine PulsiferA procrastinator, that's me.
Lacking motivation and plan I see.
Sitting here on the couch all day,
Getting nothing done, running astray.
Tomorrow might come to pass,
Today put off is what I say alas!
Use time wisely, that I should do,
But alas I become lazy too!
Oh, Age
Poet: Catherine PulsiferOh age, you fickle friend,
Does it really matter where we bend?
At 21, we're full of zest,
But at 40, we still feel our best.
Now at 50 and beyond,
We've got wisdom to respond.
So let's just laugh and not be coy,
Age is just a number, oh what joy!
Funny poems specific for turning a certain age:
Funny 21st Birthday Poems
Funny 25th Birthday Poems
Funny 30th Birthday Poems
Funny 40th Birthday Poems
Funny 50th Birthday Poems
Funny 55th Birthday Poems
Funny 60th Birthday Poems
Funny 65th Birthday Poems
Funny 70th Birthday Poems
Funny 75th Birthday Poems
Funny 80th Birthday Poems
Funny Poems For 90th Birthday
Short Funny Poems
My Feet
Poet: Gelett BurgessMy feet, they haul me Round the House,
They Hoist me up the Stairs;
I only have to Steer them and
They Ride me Everywheres.
Keep Your Marriage Brimming
Poet: Ogden NashTo keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Share these funny poems with the one you love:
Funny Valentine Poems
Funny Love Poems
Funny Roses Are Red Poems
Funny Winter Poems
Funny Poems About Marriage
Do You Carrot All for Me?
Poet UnknownDo you carrot all for me?
My heart beets for you,
With your turnip nose
And your radish face,
You are a peach.
If we cantaloupe,
Lettuce marry:
Weed make a swell pear.
Constancy
Poet: John Boyle O'Reilly"You gave me the key of your heart, my love;
Then why do you make me knock?"
"Oh, that was yesterday, Saints above!
And last night — I changed the lock!"
The Inner Side
Poet: Ellen Thorneycroft FowlerThe inner side of every cloud
Is bright and shining;
I therefore turn my clouds about,
And always wear them inside out,
To show the lining.
I Know
Poet: UnknownOne time I thought I knew it all
But now I must confess
The more I know I know I know
I know I know the less.
I Wouldn't
Poet: John Vance CheneyA sprig of mint by the wayward brook,
A nibble of birch in the wood,
A summer day, and love, and a book,
And I wouldn't be a king if I could.
Problems
Poet: John Kendrick BangsWhich came the first, the chicken or the egg?
That is a question I shall always beg.
I never vex my mind with points like that,
But like a man of appetite stand pat.
Come as they may, Egad, I'm nothing loth
To sit me straightway down and eat 'em both.
We'd all, I think, be happier than kings
Were we to worry not o'er unimportant things!
Born For
Poet: Will CarletonSome men were born for great things,
Some were born for small.
Some, it is not recorded
Why they were born at all.
Surprise
Poet: UnknownWhen you get to heaven,
You will likely view
Many folks whose presence there,
Will be a shock to you.
But keep very quiet;
Do not even stare.
Doubtless, there'll be many folks,
Surprised to see you there!
You're Ready To Fly
Poet: Catherine PulsiferCongrats graduate class, you're now ready to fly,
Now it's finally time to head off into the sky.
Vaulting forward is your only course it seems,
You'll be flying so high with big dreams.
On the way you must avoid some nasty traps,
Like getting stuck with an eternal nap.
You've survived these years and now can celebrate,
Gather round and sing out a 'Graduation' serenade!
Roses Are Red
Poet: Catherine PulsiferRoses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm writing this poem,
Instead of cleaning my room.
Funny Man
Poet: J. G. SaxeMy dear young friend, whose shining wit
Sets all the room ablaze,
Don't think yourself "a happy dog"
For all your merry ways;
But learn to wear a sober phiz.
Be stupid, if you can,
It's such a very serious thing
To be a funny man!
