10 Funny Fathers Day Poems

Out of The Dog House

It's Father's Day and dear old Pop
Is really ratin' up on top
All year through he's just the goat
The entire family at his throat.

Wantin' this and wantin' that
From an ice cream cone to a perky hat;
All year long he goes about
Walkin' the chalk and he can't stay out.

He can't spill ashes on the floor;
Odd jobs pile up more and more;
He drives the family here and there
They take his paper and his chair;

He does what e'er the family wills
He's just the man who pays the bills.
But Father's Day is a different story
He goes around in all his glory,

They give him gifts and pet him, too,
A million nice things do they do;
Just once a year he has his way
He's "out of the dog house."

An Ideal

I wish I were as trig a man,
As big a man,
As bright a man;
I wish I were as right a man in all this earthly show,
As broad and high and long a man,
As strong a man,
As fine a man,
As pretty near divine a man as one I used to know.

I wish I were as grave a man,
As brave a man,
As keen a man,
As learned and serene a man, as fair to friend and foe.
I wish I owned sagaciousness
And graciousness
As should a man
Who hopes to be as good a man as one I used to know.

I'd be a creature glorious,
Victorious,
A Wonder-man,
Not just a sort of Blunder-man whose ways and
thoughts are slow.
If I could only be the man,
One-tenth of one degree the man,
I used to think my father was when I was ten or so.

Describing Dad

Some Dads are short, some are tall
Some are quiet, some like to brawl.
Trying to describe a Dad like you
Is sometimes hard to do.

"Clean your room," you would say,
Saying that always ruined my day.
And then my favoirite, "take out the trash,"
Which I never would do in a flash.

And everyday I would hear, "pick up your toys"
That didn't seem fair, as I was a boy!
Many things over the year, I would hate
Even the beans you made, that I ate.

Now I have children of my own,
And if only I would have known,
That I just to have to look at you and me
To describe the Dad I want to be.

Getting Information Out Of Pa

My pa he didn't go to town
Last evening after tea,
But got a book and settled down
As comfy as could be.
Til tell you I was offul glad
To have my pa about
To answer all the things I had
Been tryin’ to find out.

And so I asked him why the world
Is round instead of square,
And why the piggies’ tails are curled,
And why don’t fish breathe air?
And why the moon don’t hit a star,
And why the dark is black,
And just how many birds there are,
And will the wind come back?

And why does water stay in wells,
And why do June bugs hum,
And what’s the roar I hear in shells,
And when will Christmas come?
And why the grass is always green,
Instead of sometimes blue,
And why a bean will grow a bean
And not an apple, too?

And why a horse can’t learn to moo,
And why a cow can’t neigh?
And do the fairies live on dew,
And what makes hair grow gray —
And then my pa got up an’ gee!
The offul words he said,
I hadn’t done a thing, but he
Jest sent me off to bed.

Father

My father knows the proper way
The nation should be run;
He tells us children every day
Just what should now be done.
He knows the way to fix the trusts,
He has a simple plan;
But if the furnace needs repairs,
We have to hire a man.

My father, in a day or two
Could land big thieves in jail;
There's nothing that he cannot do,
He knows no word like ''fail."
"Our confidence" he would restore,
Of that there is no doubt;
But if there is a chair to mend.
We have to send it out.

All public questions that arise,
He settles on the spot;
He waits not till the tumult dies.
But grabs it while it's hot.
In matters of finance he can
Tell Congress what to do;
But, O, he finds it hard to meet
His bills as they fall due.

It almost makes him sick to read
The things law-makers say;
Why, father's just the man they need,
He never goes astray.
All wars he'd very quickly end,
As fast as I can write it;
But when a neighbor starts a fuss,
'Tis mother has to fight it.

In conversation father can
Do many wondrous things;
He's built upon a wiser plan
Than presidents or kings.
He knows the ins and outs of each
And every deep transaction;
We look to him for theories,
But look to ma for action.

Short Funny Poems for Dad

Enjoy these short and funny Father's Day poems written by Catherine Pulsifer—heartwarming humor that’s sure to bring a smile to Dad’s face.

Dad’s Remote

The TV’s on but no one cares,
Dad guards the remote like precious wares.
Clickin' through with mighty speed,
Still not sure what show we need.
But dare you touch it—he’ll shout, “No way!”
It is his throne on Father's Day!

Grill Master Dad

He flips the burgers with such flair,
Wears socks and sandals without a care.
The steak’s well done (just like his jokes),
He’s loved by all us hungry folks!
Even if the buns get burned,
He still gets cheers—he’s earned and earned!

Dad’s Famous Advice

“Money doesn't grow on trees,”
He says while losing car keys.
“Shut the fridge, we’re not cooling the street!”
Yet leaves his shoes on every seat.
His wisdom’s weird, but in the end,
He’s Dad—our coach, our guide, our friend.

Dad’s Dance Moves

He hears a beat, he starts to sway,
Embarrasses us all that way.
His hips don’t lie, they mostly creak,
But he’s the star of every week!
So clap along, don’t miss your chance -
To cheer the king of the dad dance!

The Classic Dad Nap

He says he’s resting just his eyes,
But snores like thunder in disguise.
One minute talking, next he's gone—
Mid-sentence dreams he’s napping on!
But wake him up and you will see,
“I wasn’t sleeping—just watching TV!”