Short Poems & Quotes

16 Funny Retirement Poems

Smile as you read these funny retirement poems. The feelings of the retiree and those of us left working are expressed in these poems.

We celebrate and offer well wishes to the retiree and the retiree looks forward to new adventures in these humourous poems.

Short Poems & Quotes / Funny Poems / Funny Retirement Poems

Finally My Retirement
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Finally my retirement I get to say goodbye,
To the daily grind, oh my, oh my!
Retirement's here, and joy it does bring,
No more early mornings, what a wonderful thing!

Clocking in and meetings, I bid you adieu,
Now it's time for laughter, and maybe a brew or two.
No more deadlines to chase, no more working late,
Retirement for me is a reason to celebrate!

No more work and play, now only fun,
As I retire I think the good times have just begun.
I will miss you all, I must say,
But I'm off to enjoy life in my own special way!

Retirement Poems

Reminiscing
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Reminiscing those office tales so bright,
Copier jams, post-it fights, those moments of delight.
Coffee spilled on reports so neat,
Funny emails sent from every seat.

Laughs shared in cubicles and halls,
Echo now on retirement's walls.
Oh, the memories of your tireless feat,
Happy Retirement! May it be sweet.

Retirement's Door
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

When retirement’s door invitingly appears,
Don't get mired in melancholy or fears.
Wear boxers of silk, adorned with bright ducks,
Buy an RV, try your outlandish luck!

Golfing at dawn, high tea at half past three,
Discover the pleasure of being fancy-free.
So put on those shades, embrace your desire,
Turn every day into an uproarious satire!

My Retirement Plans
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

My retirement plans, oh, they're quite grand,
I'll conquer new hobbies, take a stand!
First, I'll try skydiving, jump from up high,
Land in my recliner, don't ask me why!

I'll master gourmet cooking, they'll all be amazed,
Though my kitchen's in chaos, and the smoke is ablaze.
My retirement chef skills, they'll say, are divine,
Even if my culinary creations don't quite align!

Fishing by the lake, a relaxing pursuit,
But catching a fish? That might be moot!
The fish will just chuckle, swim away with glee,
While I ponder the mysteries of the deep blue sea.

So, retirement is my journey, a wild escapade,
Grand adventures or downtime, I've got it made!
Whatever the plan, with a smile and a laugh,
In retirement, I'm charting a hilarious path!

Happy Retirement Poems

Stressors Of Work
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Once I worried about emails and meetings galore,
Thought deadlines were battles I had to explore.
But now in retirement, I've seen the light,
Those stressors of work are no longer bright!

No more daily commute, no more office strife,
I've traded it in for a leisurely life.
What used to stress me, now I see clear,
In the grand scheme of things, they are not very dear.

Now I've got more time for hobbies, relaxation, and fun,
My stress level is lower than the morning sun.
Retirement is a feeling that I'm finally free,
I can enjoy retirement and just be me!

Congratulations On Your Retirement
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Congratulations on your retirement this day,
No more work hassles to get in your way.
You've earned this time to relax and play,
And now, you can even let your hair go gray!

No more office meetings or deadlines to meet,
Now you can sleep in and put up your feet.
Your new boss is the TV remote,
Please don't call us and gloat!

So here's to the future, may it be the best
No more work demands, and no more stress.
Enjoy your freedom, we are envious of you
We count the days until we can retire too!

Enjoy your freedom, we are envious of you We count the days until we can retire too!

Retirement Poems for Coworkers

Every Day Is Lazy
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

No alarm at sunrise, the retiree's delight,
The morning paper reads as an endless night,
Coffee refill thrice, oh what a sight!
Pajamas until noon? Seems about right.

Dodging chores without a boss to glean,
Golf swings at midday fill the scene.
A punctual timetable? Oh, how crazy!
For in retirement, every day is lazy.

Now You're Free
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Once a worker, now you're free,
Retirement's quirks are clear to see.
World traveler or gourmet chef?
Or pro napper, catching breath?

You can sip tequilas in Cancun,
Or nap till late afternoon.
Chef or sleeper, near or far,
In retirement, you're the star!

Your Jokes
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Oh, your puns, how they made us sigh,
Some were truly bad we won't lie.
Now's the time to find jokes, both old and new,
In retirement, that'll be your cue.

We wait for emails full of cheer,
Your corny jokes we hold so dear.
To retire and laugh, lucky you
Happy retirement, keep the jokes coming through.

Your Bucket List
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Now that retirement's finally here,
You can skydive without a hint of fear.
Take a food tour with no calorie count,
Or, drive a sports car just to show off your account.

You can finally hike that mountain trail,
And learn the fine art of wine and ale.
No more work, just fun and games,
Your bucket list adventures have only just begun!

Retirement Joys
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Retirement is such a joyous occasion,
A time to celebrate life's sweet sensation.
But as you age, with each passing year,
You'll find humor in things that bring you cheer.

Forgetfulness becomes a common theme,
Like misplacing your keys, or forgetting a name.
You laugh it off and try not to fret,
Embracing the moments you're prone to forget.

The Day's Challenges
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Discovering new gray hairs is quite a sight,
At retirement, they seem to multiply with all their might.
But you wear them proudly, like a crown,
A sign of wisdom as you settle down.

The quest for reading glasses is a challenge,
They magically disappear, leaving you unhinged.
You search high and low, in every nook and cranny,
Until you find them oh so close, it's quite uncanny.

Aching Bones
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Physical changes may bring a frown,
But you choose to see the humor, not the down.
You find joy in your wrinkles and aching bones,
Knowing that laughter is what makes life full-blown.

Spending more time with a doctor than a spouse,
Well, that's retirement so don't sit and grouse.
You laugh together at each new ailment,
Knowing it's better than a train derailment.

Enjoy The Laughs
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Retirement is a time to unwind and enjoy,
To laugh at the quirks that life employs.
With humor in your heart, you embrace the years,
And cherish the moments that bring you to tears.

So here's to aging with humor and grace,
Finding joy in each wrinkle upon your face.
Retirement is a time to laugh and be free,
And embrace the changes with a jubilant glee.

A Retired Senior
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

I'm retired and a senior, that's what they say,
But I'm living life in a whole new way!
No more work stress, no more daily grind,
Retirement days, suit me just fine!

I may be a senior, but don't count me out,
I've still got spunk, without a doubt.
With each passing year, I gain a new view,
Retirement's a blast, who knew it'd be so true?

So, call me a senior, I wear it with flair,
I no longer worry about what to wear or my hair.
These retirement days, they're wonderful and grand,
I wouldn't trade 'em for all the money in the land!

Senior Poems

Now That You're Retired
Poet: Catherine Pulsifer

Now that you're retired, life's taken a spin,
No more work worries, let the fun begin!
But hey there, Grandpa, what's that shiny cane?
Could it be your new weapon to vanquish the mundane?

With every step, you wield it with might,
A force to be reckoned, within your sight.
No longer just a walking aid, oh no,
Your cane's a defender, a powerful hero.

In the land of retirement, where boredom looms,
You're equipped with a weapon that conquers all glooms.
Who needs a sword or a superhero cape?
Your trusty cane protects you and conquers any scrape.

So walk tall, dear retiree, with swagger and grace,
Your cane beside you, ready to embrace.
Defying the mundane, you stand tall and proud,
A retirement warrior, making everyone astounded.