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Put To The Test
True friendship is built on honesty, trust, and acceptance. But what happens when speaking the truth causes a friendship to end? It can be hurtful to lose someone we thought was a good friend, especially when we were simply being honest.
In his poem Put To The Test, Strickland Gillilan reminds us that a true friend accepts us for who we are. His encouraging words offer a different way of looking at friendships that have ended. Rather than dwelling on the loss, we can appreciate the people who stand by us, even when we speak our minds.
Updated October 20, 2026, by Catherine Pulsifer.
Put To The Test
Poet: Strickland Gillilan
The friends you've lost by frankness were a craven sort at best;
They never were the kind you'd want when trouble was your lot.
They were but latent enemies in garb of friendship dressed
The sooner you were shed of them the better, like as not.
So though it hold the bitterness of wormwood mixed with gall,
The friends you lose through frankness aren't your real friends, at all!
The friend who knows you as you are, to whom you never need
To give an explanation for your most eccentric act,
He is the only kind to have a friend in very deed!
The qualities this good friend has, the "friend" you're mourning lacked.
So doff the sable weeds you wear and whistle something gay
The friend you've lost through frankness would have failed you anyway.
What Put To The Test Teaches Us About Friendship
One of the hardest parts of losing a friendship is wondering what went wrong. We may replay conversations in our minds, wishing we had said something differently. But Gillilan encourages us to consider whether the friendship was as strong as we believed.
A true friend does not expect us to agree with everything they say or do. Good friends can have different opinions and still respect one another. They can speak honestly without being unkind, and they can listen without feeling that every disagreement is a reason to walk away.
Of course, honesty should always be offered with kindness. There is a difference between speaking the truth to help someone and using words that cause unnecessary hurt. Lasting friendships need both honesty and compassion.
The encouraging message in this poem is that losing a friendship does not mean we have lost our worth. Sometimes it helps us recognize the people who truly accept us and appreciate the kind of friend we want to be.
Key Reflections In This Poem
- True friendship welcomes honesty. A real friend values the truth, even when it is difficult to hear. Honest conversations can help strengthen understanding and trust.
- Not every friendship will last. Some friendships change or come to an end as we move through life. While losing a friend can be painful, it can also help us recognize what matters in a relationship.
- Acceptance is part of friendship. A good friend understands that we all have different personalities, opinions, and habits. We should not have to pretend to be someone else to earn their friendship.
- Honesty and kindness belong together. Speaking frankly does not mean speaking harshly. The strongest friendships allow room for truth while respecting each other's feelings.
- Appreciate those who stand by you. True friends offer support during both happy and difficult times. Their loyalty and understanding are worth far more than having many casual friendships.
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Conclusion
Put To The Test reminds us that friendship is not measured by how many people we know, but by the honesty, trust, and understanding we share. Strickland Gillilan encourages us not to spend our days mourning a friendship that could not withstand the truth.
If you have lost a friend, remember that not every friendship is meant to last forever. Appreciate the good memories, learn from the experience, and continue being the kind of friend you would like to have. True friendship is a wonderful gift, and the people who accept us for who we are are the ones worth keeping close.
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